my poem collections

this is all the poem that i make since i was in the new semester in uitm...
all are mostly heart breaking... i likes makes poems because its the way that i can express myself and learning about myself too. i felt pathetic...oh what the hell...i want to publish it anyway.. woohooo....

In the Grey world

Some how I felt I’m the core of the problem,

Some how I felt I can be much better than this,

Some how I wish I can make them all happier,

Or else, I wish I don’t exist to bother them at all.

This is not how we should be,

We should gather and be merry,

But why can’t I feel that way?

Am I too selfish?

Am I too mean?

I don’t know how to make things better,

So many times I seek for answer,

And so many times I fail,

Some how felt like I don’t want to do it anymore,

It hurts me a lot no matter how much I ignore it.

I’m weak and tired,

So I build a shell,

I live in it…..alone,

Sometimes I saw a hand lent to me,

But I quickly hide,

I’m afraid…so afraid.

Many years passed by,

I’m old and cranky and my shell is broken,

I’m forced to get out with a map I have drawn.

It’s just too beautiful this world is,

And hide so many thorns,

Broken hearted and a thick layer of boredoms,

Make all too gray in my eyes,

Then I felt I’m not good enough.

Because I’m grey as well but maybe a little darker,

Then I learn the art of acting,

I put on colorful mask and dance with rhythms,

They like it they think I’m great,

Cause they don’t know my true colors.

I do it with all my might,

Then I felt tired again,

Nothing much has changed for those I want to love,

They are still like that, thinking I’m weak and stupid,

Then I felt I don’t want to do this anymore.

My world now is different than the world I used to hide,

My world now is no longer the tiny damp room,

My world now is mean and can crash me anytime,

And my world now is the real world with reality.

I’m all messed up,

Tied in the rope I created,

Just like a dummy without puppet master,

The colorful mask is fading,

Under sunshine and rains,

Then lastly I’m no longer a diva,

Just nobody that gone nuts,

As grey as the back ground or maybe a little darker.

By; rubi karia

i show this poem to English lecture when i was in third semester, his name is sir Peter. He is a nice guy. i really adore him. i let him read read and correct some grammar mistakes. i remember that the person that in this poem is wearing a mask . he not comment much. maybe he know that the person is me....

Her reaction

I saw a reaction when she read it;

She said there is something in it;

A little mess up, but really touch the heart;

It’s give a strong weird sense;

Understandable but somehow not really understood;

The emotion of up and down is really close and hurting her;

Then she said, I like this part its so meaningful;

And somehow a little scary;

Saw her like that makes a mix emotions to me too;

What I’m wrote is what in my heart;

Somehow I felt, I’m too just scary;

Too emotional, too down to a cliff,

Her reactions scare me,

And there is nothing I can do,

Cause we both scare,

There is a little mess up in my head,

And I can’t correct it alone,

Not after so many years like that,

I’m helpless,

And need help badly enough I think…,

Some one please trust me .

Some please help me…..

by; rubi karia

for this poem, actually i show the poem grey world to my best friend, Eton and her reaction is really something. she amazed at the same time she also scared...at first when i wrote the grey world i don know what to fell. but seeing her chill...makes me chilling too. i felt i was so young that time when i wrote grey world...i wonder i can i wrote it...

Me….

The real me…. This is the real me…. Empty ….an empty stare;

Nothing to be proud of and no one to hold tightly;

No love or hatred…just empty human soul that decaying, hurt and rotten;

It doesn’t matter what is in my way;

Coz that is nothing I want, no more desire:

Let them past quietly, I will move a side, mirroring their way;

Let them saw nothing differ in me, just girl next door with dewy eyes;

Bored is not in the rules of my life, that just the way it is;

It’s a sin to just to think about boredom;

So just walk even with the eyes closed;

Step by step, don’t need to count,

Must bear with all the torn and mud all the way;

It’s a sin just to be hurt or to be disgust;

It’s a sin to say anything or do anything;

It’s a sin neither to smile nor to cry, tears are demons Childs;

Always keep yourself in the shadow, it’s a rule!

Must remember the they are more hurted than you;

You don’t have the right to be happy;

You don’t have the right to desire anything;

Put your eyes down to earth, sky is bad, never ever try to peek;

All the rules in the big book of me must be followed;

It’s a big sin to disobey it’s really a big sin;

I throw the big book one or twice but it’s never gone;

They all in my head, screaming and yelling at me;

Telling me how sinful I am;

Long and long time had gone and I felt numb;

My eyes is no more looking, just an empty stare with gloomy eyes;

Slowly closed as there is no more of me…..good night dear world.

Rubi Caria

The best place

I want a place I call home

I want a place I can laugh everyday

Then I can cry when I sad

A place where love shine in everyone eyes

Not in words and responsibilities

Someone please tell me where is the place

I want to go there

I really want to go there

That is my dream place

Where I’m no other than other people

We all laugh in jokes, smile and laugh again

This happiness never stop no matter how strong storm is

And more the merrier

There no gap for rich and the poor

There is no gap for strong and weak

Or smart and the dummy

Everyone do they job and help each other

Realizes their dreams and stay together

Tell me where the place is because I want to go there

The place of laughter and smiling faces

The place full of love

Tell me how I can go there……tell me

By; rubi karia

The kind world

World is really kind to me

She let me live

Peacefully and quietly and really safe and

Alone…

Nothing threatening me and nothing please me

Everything goes slow and quietly

Nothing make me happy nor sad its

I eat and sleep and do what little thing I must do.

It’s the same thing everyday of the year

Except I grow older each day.

I look in the sky and there is just a sky,

I look at the grass and there just grass,

This is the just world I live in…

And I got really bored but no place is better than this….

By; the lonely rubi

Malam gelap

Aku sendiri dengan sehelai kertas dan sebatang pen

Ku tulis segala impian dan harapan,

Segala kejadian hayalan,

Kawan-kawan imiginasiku,

Sempit biliku namun luas dunia impian

Tinggal aku disitu dengan khayalanku

Aku sendiri.,

Tiada yang masuk atau keluar bilik kelamku

Aku lah raja yang mengatur segalanya

Tiada apa yang berubah cuma aku semakin tua,

Tiba-tiba biliku di ketuk dan dibuka perlahan-lahan,

Siapa?? Rupanya si tua yang aku lupakan’

Keluar!!! Jeritku jangan gangu hidupku!!!

Ku hempas pintu lalu ku kuncikanya,

Mari kita sambung mimpi yang terbantut,

Aku ketawa sinis

Cuba menhapuskan air mata yang hampir gugur.

Aku mulakan pesta,

Aku menari dan terus menari,

Sehingga ku rebah diatas lantai yang berhabuk,

Jiwaku kosong serta merta, fikiranku kelam,

Air mataku gugur jua,

Aku Tanya pada diriku, siapa kamu??

Aku raja aku lah yang terhebat namun aku terdengar…

Tipu ko cumalah seorang manusia yang kesian…menyedihkan

MASA YANG DIBENCI

Tiada apa yang aku paling benci kecuali masa;

Aku benci pada masa lalu yang memalukan;

Aku bosan pada masa sekarang yang menyakitkan;

Aku tidak suka pada masa depan yang kelam kelabu;

Demi masa;

Sesungguhnya manusia sentiasa kerugian;

Aku manusia yang amat rugi;

Aku bebal tidak gunakan masa yang berharga;

Aku biarkan ia meleleh di celah jari;

Ia bersamaku dan aku biarkan ia pergi;

Sangat sakit aku begitu;

Masa lalu adalah sejarah;

Masa sekarang adalah keputusan;

Masa depan adalah perancangan;

Aku benci segalanya;

Kenyataan didepan mata;

Namun aku masih buta dengan dunia;

Mana masaku, mana arahku;

Aku sesat dalam kelam pemikiranku;

Aku sesat dalam alam fana ini;

Aku sesat dan keliru;

Aku khayal dalam extacy:

Aku manusia yang rugi:

Rubi karia yg bodoh.